Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
