sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Randomize
