its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Randomize
