I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
