okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
You can't just leave with hair like that
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
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