He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
