it hurts more in the daytime
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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