Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
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