piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
