Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
