I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
