You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
