You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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