mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
