also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
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