I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
