Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
