dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
worst night to have a conscience
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
