That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
