Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
