I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
