i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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