Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I deserve this hangover.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
