Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
