My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
