Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize