U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Randomize
