Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
we're making bets on your personal life
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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