Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
We had sex on a dog bed..
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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