At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
