my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
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