i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
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