My friends, they love my intelligence
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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