I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize