he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
