I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Randomize