If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
