i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Randomize
