I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
