Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Well I just put wine in my tea
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Randomize