for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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