I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Drunk is a universal language darling
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
