Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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