Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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