remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
