apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
