Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
