you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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