omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Randomize
