Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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