There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Randomize
