i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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