we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
