Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Randomize
