you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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