Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
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