I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
There was a lot of him and a little penis
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
