When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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