the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize
