I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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