He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Randomize
