Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
