I was born with a shot glass in my hand
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
