i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
