i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
