he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
